It’s not that I have become busier than usual. After blogging for what seemed like a long time, after going through several blogging upheavals and various stages of discovery in my blogging, I just plain stopped. Why exactly?
Blogging didn’t feel right anymore. Writing my thoughts online for the entire online community to read and perhaps comment on didn’t feel as exciting as it used to. Bloghopping actually became a chore and felt like a waste of time. I just couldn’t help but ask myself – why the heck am I reading these blogs for, anyway? To derive some creative inspiration? To feel more connected to the blogging community? Or to leave those comments so that they in turn will know that I’m still alive, I still maintain a blog? In fact, those who brilliantly came up with one cheap gimmick after another to promote their blog – and themselves – just proved too much for me to handle. I just had to get away. I just had to leave it all behind…or burst. It just didn’t matter anymore. Life it too short to spend on such trifle matters.
I went through the same circus myself. I went through the same process of self-promotion. I put myself through those cheap gimmicks myself. It was a shock to realize that. I realized that it just wasn’t the way I had envisioned my blog to be. I had tried to put an honest voice in every entry I made, but somehow it managed to come out with ME (or MY family) being the superstar. It just didn’t feel right anymore. After all, I am just me. I’m not a superstar. I’m not famous. Just a regular person.
When that realization finally dawned on me, I kind of felt embarrassed at the way I wrote my blogs. I wrote them like I am some sort of SOMEBODY the world needs to listen to. Gee, what a ton of crap.
After spending almost a year of hiatus from blogging, I realized that hey, I actually didn’t set out my blog to be like that in the very beginning. In the beginning the purpose was simple: to write. I wrote about the things I wanted, not the things other people wanted to read. I discussed things that I cared about, not the ones other people might be interested in. But then the temptation for the whole blogging-celebrity-demigod-status somehow proved too much to resist.
It sounds very selfish, but yeah, that’s the way I started my blog, and that’s the way I want it to be. No embellishments, no cheap tricks.
Just the honest truth.